The Weak One conversations between brothers
by CSMichaelis
Summary: While in the hospital, a frustrated Kaoru has many conversations with his brother.
1. Chapter 1

Hikaru sat on the edge of the hospital bed, he hadn't slept in well over two days and doubted whether he ever would again. His mind was still reeling from very nearly losing Kaoru the night before.

Kaoru had always been sick but Hikaru took care of him,he had taken care of his younger brother since they were born. Before that if you were to ask their mother. Hikaru thought back to what Kaoru had said before being taken to the hospital. As he lie in the bed the twins shared,weakened by a fever and his lifelong health problems. The older twin was feeling guilty after reading an article about unborn twins and how they fight each other in order to live.

"That isn't what happened Hika, you would never hurt me. Mother says we were close then too. I wanted you to be okay." Kaoru said weakly. After Hikaru carefully hugged him,Kaoru had looked up into his eyes and smiled faintly.

"You know what's really amazing, I wasn't supposed to live past three days when we were born. You got me to highschool,thank you." Hikaru fought back tears. Kaoru was still so pale and it broke Hikaru's heart.

"You came back to me last night Kaoru, I'm glad you did,I'm very proud of you and I know it took a lot from you. I need you to wake up again, you haven't opened your eyes for a long time. I love you little brother,you know that by now. I just really need you to start getting better now." He reached over to the table and took hold of one of the cloths he had one of the maids drop off along with a few other items. He dipped it in the cool water that filled the large pink container in the hospital room. He carefully wrung it out and began lightly wiping his brother's face.

"This fever just won't give you a break will it Kaoru?" He took hold of the sleeping boy's hand as he continued to try cooling him down.

"Come on,I miss you Kao. You're not as weak as the doctor said you are,I know because you proved him wrong already. I'm waiting for you Kaoru, right here and I'm holding your hand like I always do when you don't feel you feel my hand holding yours?" He gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Hika, I feel so...so-"Kaoru replied opening his eyes slowly.

"Shh, save your strength you're going to need as much as you can get. I just want you to lie still." .

"I'm s-sorry." Kaoru whispered,unable to speak in his normal volume.

"There's nothing to be sorry about,you're here and that's what matters most."

Kaoru allowed his eyes to close again and Hikaru felt his heart drop.

"Hey, look at me, I really need you to -"

"I don't know how you do it, you always take care of me. You put everything on hold for me. I can't remember a single time I was sick and you weren't there for me." Hikaru hated the pain filled tone he had never heard it before.

"You're important to me, I'm not just going to let you lie in bed and feel sick all by yourself. We've been through so much together,that's what brothers are for. Please don't -"

"Aren't you ever tired of it?"

"of what?"

"Keeping me alive, i know I wouldn't have been here if you didn't drop everything and stay with me. You're the strong one Hika, and I shouldn't -"

"You're scaring me Kaoru,you've never said these things before. I want to take care of you. I'll never-"

"Wouldn't it be so much easier for you without me, if I did die then you would be able to have a life and not have to constantly be at hospitals or doctors offices,you wouldn't have to share a room or worry about me needing medicine or -"

"I know your fever's bad baby brother, but I didn't know it was that bad. I love you Kaoru, don't ever say things like that again. I want you to be alright. I'll do everything I can to make you better." Hikaru couldn't stop his tears from falling.

"I'll never get better Hikaru, I'll be sick all my life and you won't ever get to -" Hikaru embraced Kaoru.

"Then I'll just have to take care of you as long as we live but I can't live without you. You're not a burden Kaoru,you're a gift and I won't let you go. I told you there's two of us for a reason. I won't let you give up,yes I know it's hard but I need you." Hikaru sobbed resting his head on Kaoru's chest.

"You don't understand Hikaru, it's not fair to ask you to give up your life so I can lie there and make you do everything for me.."

"you're right,you being sick isn't fair to either of us, but it's not fair to ask me to lose my best friend. I don't want you to die,I never have and I've never thought anything would be better without you. You should know better than that. As much as you need me, I need you too. You made it this far, it would kill me to lose you. This isn't like you at all. Please just rest and get better. I know you're tired and frustrated, I know you hurt a lot of the time. Stay for me, you came back for me didn't you?"

"I did, but it's not -"

"Then let me show you how important you are to me. If I had nothing else in this world Kaoru, I want you with me. You can get through this Kaoru, but you don't have to do it alone. That's why you have a twin. Will you do this for me Kaoru,we've gotten this far, let's keep going as long as we can. Who knows, one day you might be better."

"But Hikaru, the doctor said that I won't li-"Kaoru stopped, Hikaru had been hurt enough lately and Kaoru wouldn't add to it if it could be helped. It's going to be okay Kaoru,I promise." The older twin said sincerely.

"You really don't think I'm a problem?" He asked his weakness increasing. Hikaru raised his head and looked into the ill boy's eyes.

"Listen very carefully to me. You have never been a problem for me and never will be. I'd take any trouble in the world for you anyway. I know you'd do the same."Do it for me?"

"Okay, for you big brother,if that's what you really want." Hikaru smiled.

"That's exactly what I want, I love you."

"I love you too Hika, thank you, for always being here to keep me going. For never giving up on me,even when I did."

"As long as you're here and you're trying, that's all I can ask from you." Kaoru reached up and wiped away his brother's tears.

"I'm sorry I scared you so much. I was just really-"

"Like I said, don't apologize,just promise you won't say anything like that again."

"Promise." Kaoru closed his eyes. Hikaru stroked Kaoru's hair gently.

"Rest Kaoru, I'll stay right here."

"I don't think I've ever seen two siblings who love each other that much." Haruhi said as she and the remaining hosts arrived at the door.

"I think it's really nice that Hika-Chan loves Kao-Chan like that. Their bond is stronger than anything." Honey added.

"After last night I don't doubt it. I don't have any siblings, but if I did and we were half as close as our little devils are, I'd consider myself lucky." Tamaki smiled as they took another moment before entering the room.

"Do you think Kaoru's going be alright?"

"Yes. Hikaru brought Kaoru this far, I'd say we can count on them coming back to the club before we know it." Kyoya answered. Everyone knew in their hearts he was right.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru stared out the window,he sighed. The scene before him added to his mood. The bare trees and leaves swirling in the wind, the branches swayed slightly.

"Cold and dreary." He whispered to himself, he turned away from the outside world and to his own thoughts which were not much better. Kaoru had been in the hospital for two weeks and still had difficulty regaining his strength, he felt pain nearly constantly but continued to keep his promise to Hikaru, he kept his thoughts to himself.

Hikaru had finally fallen asleep in the chair next to his brother's bedside. Kaoru allowed his eyes to close.

Why couldn't he make Hikaru understand how tired he was,when would he realize that it was getting harder for Kaoru to not let his brother down?

The twins' rest was interrupted by Hikaru's cell phone which startled the older teen causing him to wake up suddenly. Hikaru looked around worriedly,it had taken him a moment to realize where the sound was coming from.

"Hey Kaoru, you awake?" The ill boy opened his eyes in response. Hikaru gave a faint smile.

"You should answer it, you've been ignoring a lot of calls." Kaoru turned back to the window and listened as Hikaru spoke. He had been surprised when Hikaru indicated that the caller was their mother. He knew she loved them very much but it was rare that she took the time to call.

He hoped Hikaru would tell her he was asleep or busy if she asked to speak to him, he couldn't handle the pain in her voice, not after seeing it in Hikaru's eyes all their lives, the pain was now mixed with fear. Both sensations were so intense that Kaoru could hardly look at his brother.

"Kaoru's asleep, I'll tell him you love him." He heard Hikaru say.

"No, you don't have to rush home, he's going to be okay,if anything changes I'll let you know.." Kaoru was relieved, he wouldn't be able to handle both his mother and brother at once.

moments later Hikaru hung up and made his way to Kaoru.

"Are you feeling better today?" He asked, he took note of the paleness but didn't mention it.

"I don't know, it's hard to say sometimes, I just know I'm tired and a little cold." Hikaru removed the blanket from the chair he had been using as a bed and laid it over Kaoru.

"Better?" Kaoru nodded.

" you want some water?"

"No. " Hikaru sighed heavily.

"You probably heard but Mother and father send their love. Mother wanted to come home on the next flight but I told her she didn't have to. I figured you wouldn't be up to it. You've barely spoken to me so -"

"Thank you, and I'm sorry I haven't said much. I don't really have anything to say." A long silence followed.

"Hey Kaoru?" Hikaru called softly.

what is it Hika?"

"Are you..angry at me?"

"For what?"

"Anything, you just don't seem to want to talk anymore and when I sit with you,you turn away from me."

"I'm not angry Hikaru, I feel completely drained and it's not easy. I've been in bed for so long and I'm still so weak. It's just really frustrating for me it's not you."

"That's not all of it though is it?"

"What else is there?"

"You're trying to hide again, it's my fault I made you promise not to say certain things and even though it scares the hell out of me, I should let you say what you feel like saying. You tried to tell me about something the doctor said,I didn't let you and I want you to know I love you."

"I love you too Hika, it's probably not a good idea to get into it, I was just really frustrated and none of it matters now. It's okay."

"I understand you getting frustrated Kaoru,but you have to -"

"Until you go through everything I have to deal with everyday of my life,you can't understand what it feels like, you can see my frustration but you can never fully understand how I feel."

"You're right, I can't. That doesn't change that I want to be here for you."

"I know." Kaoru said weakly. "I can't be angry because you really don't know how hard this is. You can't be expected to,you're not feeling the same thing I am and honestly Hikaru, the sadness I've felt since we were little if you really want to know..it isn't for me,I feel bad for you most of all because you're the one who has to watch this happen and that's probably worse than anything I could ever feel. That's what really hurts me. I've gotten used to the pain and sickness but the only thing you can really do is watch." Hikaru didn't know what to say to his brother. The words crushed his heart.

"K-Kaoru, I never knew-"

"I didn't want you to. When we were babies,I gave my strength to you so you could life and I don't regret that. Everything I do is done because I want you to be okay Hikaru. I love you that much. Brothers should do what they can for each other and -"

"It's not about me Kaoru, you're sick you're first priority and I need you to get better."

"It's always been about you Hikaru, that's the way I wanted it. I would've given up a long time ago but you need me so I try to stay with you."

"I'll always need you Kaoru."Hikaru felt tears forming in his eyes. Kaoru took his hand.

"I know you will, that's exactly why I can't tell you what I was planning to,we depend on each other too much. I'm going to be here Hika, I'll do it for you but I need something from you too."

"Anything little brother,just say it."

"I need you love me enough as a brother that you'll know when I need you to -"

"Please don't tell me that Kaoru, you can't expect me to be okay with that."

"You don't have to be entirely okay with it,no one ever is. I need you to be strong for both of us Hika, I promised you I'd come home and I will but I really need this."

"You're asking a lot baby brother. But I guess I'm putting a lot of pressure on you. Promise you won't ask me to do it anytime soon."

"I'll do the best I can." Kaoru smiled faintly.

"Then I promise too. I really do love you Kao." Hikaru embraced his brother gently.

"Hey guys." Haruhi greeted warmly as she led the hosts into the room. The twins grinned,not taking their eyes off each other.

"Hey Haruhi." The said in unison bringing a smile to their friends faces and hope to their hearts.


	3. Chapter 3

Kaoru watched the nurse replace the empty IV bag with yet another. His head and stomach ached terribly and he was grateful to Hikaru who could always see through his attempts to hide his pain. It had been Hikaru who had asked for the pain medication for him brother.

"I'm alright Hikaru, I'm just tired,that's all." He had told him.

"It's okay if you need medicine Kaoru,don't protect me from this, you're not feeling good and I can't help you if you're hiding the problem. I know I've given you a hard time about some things but i don't want you to hurt, just rest now and let the medicine work."

"Sorry, I just didn't want to hurt you anymore." Kaoru replied.

"You're not, what hurts me is watching you go through this and not being able to help you very much. I want to take it from you so you don't have to hurt or feel sick and weak anymore."

"Even if you could Hika, I wouldn't want you to. I almost d-"

"Don't say that Kaoru, I can't stand to hear your name and that word together, but even after seeing all that, I'd take your place so you could be healthy,even if I had to give my life for you to have one of your own without all this suffering."

"Hika, you're a great brother. You've already done more for me than anyone could ask from their siblings."

"What do you mean, I just -"

"Sometimes I hear people talking about their brothers and sisters in school and I hear them say how annoyed they are when they have to be around them some wish they were an only child just because their parents ask them to take care of their younger ones." Kaoru looked into Hikaru's eyes. " Then there's you, you never once complained about being around me, I've kept you from doing so many things Hika, even in the rare occasion that we argue about something I know that the very next second if I called out to you,even if you walked away from me,you'd come right back to me. Everyday of our lives,no matter how sick I was or what you wanted to do you never left me. I kept holding you back but you were always there to hold my hand and say it's okay. Not everyone has a big brother like you." Hikaru smiled.

"That's what happens when you're so precious to someone, like I said before, you're a gift Kaoru,you're patient and kind and you always put me first, no matter how sick you feel. It's only because of you that I'm healthy at all." Kaoru frowned.

"What's wrong?" Hikaru asked.

"That's not what I wanted you to take from what happened before we were born. I only told you because I wanted you to know that you didn't cause my illness. Mother didn't want you to know until you could understand. After you read about it and thought you hurt me, I just wanted you to know the truth so you didn't feel guilty."

"I'm sorry, I know that's not what you were telling me,I'm making my own conclusions I guess. I just -" Kaoru gasped at the sharp pain in his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Hikaru asked with concern.

"Nothing, it's fine." Kaoru tried to ignore it closing his eyes. He felt Hikaru place his palm on his cheek.

"Kaoru...you don't have to hide anymore, I can't help you I can't figure out what's wrong. I need you to talk to me." Kaoru hesitated before replying.

"My stomach hurts so much right now, my headache isn't as,bad but -"

"Shh,it's alright,just rest. Usually a heat source helps your stomach. I know just what to do." Hikaru carefully rested one hand on Kaoru's belly and gently stroked his brother's hair. The older twin rubbed Kaoru's stomach, the heat from his hand seemed to relax him.

"You don't have to-"

"It's helping right?"

"yeah."

"Then just rest,it'll be okay. Hopefully you can come home soon."

"that would be nice, I don't like hospitals. I spend too much time here, I just want to go home." Hikaru sighed.

"I'd love to take you home Kaoru, I really would,you could rest in our own bed and you could be more comfortable. You're going to be home soon as long as you keep listening to what the doctor tells you. We'll get through it and then we can go back to hosting if you think you want to,if not I'm sure they'd understand after everything that happened."

"I want to, I like being a host,why would I not want to go back?"

"I like it too Kaoru, I'm just worried that it might get to be too much for you when you get sick. I worry about you, and I know you-"

"I can always take time off if I need it. They'll understand that I don't feel well." Kaoru said.

"I know that,it's just that you won't say anything if you can get away with it. If something happened to you and we weren't able to let you lie down if you felt funny-"

" resting does always have to be lying down, I need you to trust me, I can handle it."

"Promise you won't hide things from me and you'll tell me if you need to rest." Hikaru requested.

"I promise I'll try, it's habit now."

"It shouldn't be Kaoru, you can't protect me from this,it hurts us both. I understand why you do it but it seems to take more from you to hide than to just tell me and let me help you. Rest now and let the medicine start working okay?" Kaoru nodded.

"I'm really getting tired of resting all the time, I want out of this bed Hikaru."

"I know you do, I want that too. Maybe you will be soon,we just have to be patient a little longer. It'll take time,you're still sick and -"

"I'm always sick, it never ends." Kaoru said sadly.

"One day it will, you'll feel better and everything will work out." Hikaru said gently. Kaoru was now fighting to stay awake as the pain medication took affect.

"If you need to sleep it's fine. It can only help you. Maybe one day soon you won't need as much."

"You think it's possible?"Kaoru asked sleepily.

"Definitely."

"But the doctor said that I'm -"

"You're not, if it was true, you wouldn't be with me right now. It might feel impossible in this moment little brother, but I promise you it's not. Don't try to convince yourself that it's just because someone in a lab coat says something they're always right. Doctors are human too and sometimes they're wrong,like with you. You got to highschool after a doctor said you'd never make it. You were just days old and here you are."

"Only because I had my big brother."

"You still have me, you always will,no matter what or how long you need to be looked after." Hikaru let his ailing brother drift off to sleep and remained at the bedside.

"I'm so proud of you baby brother, keep going soon your fever will break and you'll be stronger. It won't be long after that that you'll be back at school and hosting again. " Kaoru hadn't slept long when he was woken by his pain.

"Hika, I -"

"Shh, I'm right here Kaoru, try to relax okay?" Hikaru knew it was going to be a long night for them both.


	4. Chapter 4

Hikaru sobbed as he rested his head on his brother's chest. Kaoru hugged him but didn't speak. He knew no words would comfort his twin.

"Is that what you started to tell me Kaoru,about what the doctor said?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry you had to find out that way. Even though you know now, it doesn't mean it's going to happen anytime soon. We could be a hundred years old before anything -"

"I won't let you. You're not allowed to go before me Kaoru, not ever."

"Hikaru, I know it hurts you and scares you, but that's not something that you can control. Everyone has a -"

"They're wrong. Just like always, you're not going to go anywhere without me Kaoru, even.-"

"Don't say that Hika. If you're physically alright when it happens, you have to keep going."

"I can't Kaoru. I really can't." Hikaru sobbed.

"You have to...for me. I promised I'd do this for you but Hika, you can't- when it happens you have to promise me something."

"Like what?"

"Don't follow me."

"You can't ask that."

"I did and you have to promise or I'll be worried about you all the time."

"You can't, you need to rest, you can't rest completely if you're worried, don't do anything that'll make you sicker."

"Please big brother?" Kaoru pleaded, he knew that by calling Hikaru as he did, he was sure to get what he wanted, that was the way it had always been.

"It's not fair, not at all."

"Sometimes life isn't fair, I'm sorry you have to feel like this."

"I'm more concerned about your health and if that's true Kaoru, I don't know what to do."

"Yes you do. You'll keep me here as long as you can. You'll make me lie down and take medicine when I need to even if I don't want to and you'll hold my hand because that's what helps the most. "

"I'm so scared. I don't want you to-" Kaoru wrapped his arms around his brother.

"I need you to be here with me Hika, if you're busy worrying about when it happens, you can't be. We have a long way to go before we're old enough to really think about that. Right now, I'm just very sick but I'll be fine. I have you and I know it's okay." Kaoru offered an encouraging smile as Hikaru raised his head.

"I don't want to lose you, not ever. You're not allowed to leave this world before me. I can't take that pain Kaoru. Just hearing the words is too much."

"I told you to wait out in the hall when the doctor came to talk to me."

"You really weren't going to tell me?"

"No. I didn't want you to feel anymore sadness. It hurts me to see how painful my illness is for you. I wanted to protect you."

"I know you did, but I need you to let me know these things. I have to be really careful about how I -"

"Don't. I don't want you to be over protective,I just want to have-" Hikaru lowered his head back onto Kaoru's chest. Kaoru sighed heavily. Everything is going to be okay Hikaru, I'm still here and now you know the truth. I think... You should try to forget it and focus on helping me get my strength back to where it should be. Can you try to help me Hikaru?"

"I'll do anything for you,I'll help you get stronger and I'll take care of you, but I can't just forget what I heard. I love you Kaoru."

"I love you too, don't forget that."

"I won't Kaoru. You need your rest though, your fever keeps coming back up and I know that you still hurt."

"I can't just leave you like this Hikaru."

"I'm fine, you need to get better and you'll have a harder time if you don't get some rest." It had taken several minutes to convince the ill boy to let himself sleep.

Hikaru made his way to the window, the stars were shining brightly. He sobbed as he gazed up at them. As he was watching, a shooting star appeared and although he didn't believe in such things as making a wish and I coming true, he was feeling desperate, Kaoru needed a miracle it seemed.

"Don't take Kaoru from me." He hissed angrily as tears fell. " Please, let him live and give us both strength to keep each other going. Make him feel alright, he's important to me." After wiping away his tears, The oldest twin sat down beside his brother and took his hand.

"Alright Baby Brother, you've been in this bed for a while and I know you miss being a host and being strong enough to be up. I want you to know that yeah, I'm scared especially after what was said today, but I'm not going to let it happen. You take whatever you need from me, I'll give my strength to you just like you did for me. I'll give you my life just don't let go. I'll do my best to make it easier on you but you have to help me too." He reached out and stroked the weakened boy's hair. Hikaru wouldn't sleep that night and Kaoru wouldn't wake up until late the following afternoon. Hikaru hoped he wasn't relapsing into his illness but he would soon find out.


	5. Chapter 5

Hikaru opened his eyes to find himself lying on the edge of Kaoru's bed with head on his brother's. Kaoru slept silently at his side.

"Be better today Kaoru, I need you here." The older twin whispered. He had missed being this close to his little brother, it had been a while since they had been able to do this.

"Hika?" Kaoru called sleepily.

"I'm right here, how are you feeling?"

"Tired." Kaoru replied closing his eyes.

"Then rest, maybe it can be a good thing because you need to sleep so your strength can come back." Hikaru sat up feeling his heart breaking.

"Maybe." Kaoru said, a moment of silence followed.

"Hey Kaoru?" Hikaru called quietly.

"yeah?"

"Do you remember when we were little and we stayed with grandmother,how we used to play hide and seek?"

"Yeah, I'd be the one hiding and everytime you got close to finding me, I waited for you to go past me and I'd run to another place." A smile appeared on the twins' faces.

"We always managed to have fun together." Kaoru replied weakly.

"Yeah, we did. Even if you didn't feel good at all,you did your best to keep things as positive as you could. You always tried to keep me from seeing how sick you were ."

"I knew even then how much it scared you. I never liked you seeing how weak I was or how much it hurt me. It wasn't easy for me to see how much pain I caused you so it was best to keep it to myself."

"You didn't, it's the illness Kaoru, that's what was bothering me,not you. I wanted to take it away from you and give you the chance to have a better life. If I could somehow take your place, I promise you I would. After everything you gave me.-"

"You gave me fifteen years of life so far,I gave you the chance to live before we were born, I'm pretty sure we can say neither of us-"

"No Kaoru, I'll always be grateful for what you did, don't minimize it. If it hadn't been for me you'd be okay right now."

"If I didn't have you Hikaru, I wouldn't have anyone to go to when I get upset, no one to take care of me when I'm so weak and so sick that I just want to give in. It's always been you Hikaru, If it was just me, I wouldn't be doing this."

"Y-you really feel that bad baby brother?" Hikaru asked feeling guilty.

"sometimes." Kaoru admitted.

"I'm so sorry, I can't believe how much I've been putting you through, forgive me Kaoru. I don't know how you deal with me sometimes. How can you not hate me for this?" Before Kaoru could reply a strong wave of pain traveled through his body causing the younger brother to squeeze his eyes closed and moan.

"It's alright Kaoru, just relax now." Hikaru reached out and began stroking the ill boy's hair with one hand and holding his hand with the other. The situation only added to the twins' pain.

"I-I just want it to stop. I'm so-"

"Do you want your button?" Kaoru nodded and Hikaru placed it in his hand. Kaoru didn't like using it, he knew it was helping with his pain but it also made him sleep, leaving Hikaru with his thoughts.

"It's alright Kaoru, just try to relax now. Let the medicine work."

"I'm trying but it's so hard Hika." Kaoru said now looking into his brother's eyes.

"I know you're trying, just rest now." After a short silence, Hikaru smiled.

"Do you remember when we were little and our mother left her make up out and she left us with our maids?"

"What about it?" Kaoru asked.

"We used it to make that picture of her on the wall, that was pretty funny, do you remember the look on her face?"

"Yeah, I guess it was." Kaoru replied.

"Then there was the time we locked everyone out of the house and made our father climb through the window and he ripped -" Hikaru burst into laughter and Kaoru joined him.

"We got in so much trouble for that." Kaoru grinned.

"or the time we confused our grandmother so bad she didn't know what to do with us."

"What about when we were playing hide and seek and we broke that horrible statue and you tried to blame the cat."

"It would've worked too."

"Yeah Kaoru, if Grandmother had a cat." After several minutes of laughter Kaoru seemed more relaxed .

"Feeling better now little brother?"

"A little bit, thanks Hika. I'm really glad you're here with me." The ill boy said as his eyes began to close.

"I'm glad I'm here with you too. You're my heart Kaoru, my little brother and I can't ask for a better twin because that doesn't exist. You're sick because you saved me and I know you don't blame me but I blame myself for this. You keep going just for me. I love you Kaoru and no matter what it takes, I'll help you prove them wrong. We'll get through this together, just like always."


End file.
